


Christmas in Marvel Land

by WinterHobbit



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Christmas, Christmas Eve, F/M, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, OC characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:33:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22157869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterHobbit/pseuds/WinterHobbit
Summary: How do Bucky, Steve, Sam, and Natasha spend the holidays after people come back from the Decimation?Bucky, Steve, Sam and Natasha have come back to Brooklyn after hiding in Wakanda. Everyone lives and Steve is not an old man.Note: This story includes references to Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa. I’ve seen people give a lot of good warnings in their fic, so if religion is an issue with anyone, the characters that are Christians in the comics (Steve, Sam’s brother), are Christian, but it’s not a big deal in the story. Apologies if I got any details wrong.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers
Comments: 15
Kudos: 6





	1. Alone in Brooklyn

Bucky sat in the clean but bare upstairs bedroom in the Brooklyn apartment Steve, Sam, and Natasha had been able to get for the foursome while society was still adjusting to the latest wrenching changes. The only reason he wasn’t homeless was because of Steve and T’Challa, but others had not been so lucky. Half of humanity had disappeared, and others who did not disappear died as a result of the Decimation: planes had fallen from the sky and surgeries had been interrupted. Then the food distribution pipelines had been disrupted, fires had broken out, there were riots and looting, and army takeovers. Orphans formed street societies. Some animal species overran cities, while other animals who depended on humans faced their own decimation. Then society had faced half the people suddenly reappearing. There was conflict about housing, jobs, and relationships. Suddenly, there wasn’t enough food again. Through the chaos, Steve thought they could come back to Brooklyn and no one would bother the ex-Winter Soldier. They picked Brooklyn because this is where Steve and Bucky had lived and was close to where Sam had lived; however, Steve and Bucky had yet to visit where their houses had been, and Bucky didn’t know if they ever would. 

Bucky sat on the single bed in his room, already missing Wakanda, but while hiding in Wakanda he’d learned his sister Becca was still alive in the States. Even though they were in hiding, he’d been able to contact her through a kind of picture phone (Bucky didn’t know what it was), but he hadn’t been able to meet her in person. Now that he was in the States, he could meet her, but he was deathly afraid of making contact. Something always went wrong for him; what if something went wrong when he tried to meet her in person? Steve had tried to gently push him to call but had stopped for some reason. Bucky noticed that Becca had never contacted him, and he didn’t know why.

Bucky took a deep breath to stop his train of thought and looked around the room. He told himself he had a place to live, food to eat every day, and people to watch his back; he was content, for it was more than he could have hoped for.

A bang at the front door meant that Sam and Natasha had returned from their foraging expedition. They’d asked Bucky to go with them, but he’d declined, so Steve had stayed home as well. “The store had what we wanted,” Sam called out. That was getting to be a common experience but one they still did not take for granted. Bucky came out of the bedroom to find Steve also coming down from his room to help Sam and Natasha with the food.

“We got tea,” Natasha said, pleased to be holding black tea.

“I was hoping for coffee,” Steve said.

Sam smiled, holding up a can, “We got that too.”

They pulled out bread, meat, fruit, jam, and vegetables, and put them away in the cupboards and refrigerator. 

Sam brought out his last item, “We got sugar too, so we can make something for Christmas if anyone knows a recipe.”

Bucky’s shoulders slumped. It was Christmas? He didn’t remember Christmas while he was on the run, but then he’d been doing good just to hold down a rundown apartment in Bucharest. Did he remember people caroling while he was on the run? He wasn’t sure. He shrugged, it had never mattered to him; people had left him alone, and he’d gone back to maintaining his guns. He didn’t think the Wakandans celebrated Christmas. 

“Christmas cookies!” Steve said, lighting up, “Remember those, Buck?” 

No, he didn’t. “You know how to make them?” Bucky responded, causing Steve to frown, and Bucky felt bad for making his friend frown.

“Laura made some,” Natasha said.

“Who’s Laura?” Bucky asked. Natasha didn’t have family that he knew of.

Natasha grew silent, and Bucky knew the look; it was a secret. Natasha shook her head, “You aren’t going to tell anyone. Clint has a family in upstate New York that he’s kept out of the records for their own safety.”

Bucky nodded. He still didn’t know what that had to do with Natasha, but he didn’t ask.

Natasha looked away, “They disappeared.” 

“But they came back,” Steve said, and Natasha nodded. 

“I’ve got family in Harlem. My sister Sarah makes the best pecan pie,” Sam said, “And then she started making this Chocolate-Pecan Chess Pie.” He rolled his eyes. “You know, we should visit them this season.”

Steve nodded with a smile, then turned to Natasha, “How would you like to spend Christmas?”

Natasha shrugged, “It was never my holiday; Laura likes it, though, so I’d like to go see her again. In Russia, they use a different calendar and celebrate it in January.” She paused, “Even then, New Year’s is a bigger holiday; I went back once on a mission and had lots of Olivier salad.” 

“It will be good to have a quiet Christmas here,” Steve said, “Only Sam has family now, but we have each other, which is a lot more than we had last year, and we can try making Christmas cookies and maybe invite ourselves to pie.”

Sam nodded, “My brother loves Christmas; he’s a pastor, you know, and my sister sings in the choir of my father’s church.” Bucky was not pleased to hear this; what would a pastor say to a former world-class assassin?

“Your father has a church? I’d like to meet him,” Steve said. Bucky hoped they never met.

Sam’s face froze, “He’s dead.” The room went cold, and Bucky felt guilty for his thoughts.

“Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“He died when I was nine, stopping a fight between gangs.” Sam took a deep breath, “My mother died two years later in a mugging; she was protecting me and my brother and sister.”

There was silence a moment. “Guess what guys? We’re all orphans,” Natasha said.


	2. Invitation

The mail came, giving a break to their thoughts. Mail came for everyone but Bucky, but that was to be expected. Steve’s eyes shot up as he read his Christmas card and he looked at Bucky but folded the card up and calmly threw it away. 

“Hey, hey,” Sam said, diving for the trash, “You don’t go around throwing Christmas cards away! It was one, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, and an invitation to a Christmas party.”

“You don’t want to go?” Sam asked. “You just got through saying we’d have to have a quiet Christmas.”

“It’s from the Starks,” Steve said, and everyone looked at Bucky.

Bucky nodded, “And I’m not invited; go on ahead without me.” People wanted to go to parties, right?

“Not doing it,” Steve said.

“You saved the world together, you should at least go to his Christmas party,” Bucky said. He’d heard the guy was rich and held lavish parties, and that he and Steve had once been friends. Too bad Bucky had ruined everything by killing the man’s parents. 

“Anyone else get Christmas cards?” Steve asked to change the subject.

Sam opened his and read it. “That’s what I’m talking about!” He looked up, “My brother and sister want us to come for Christmas. You are all invited. They know Mr. High and Mighty Captain America may have so many invitations he can’t come, but my sister insists that I at least come.”

“Yeah, I don’t have any at all,” Steve said, except for the Stark party which he wouldn’t go to.

Sam nodded, turning serious, “She lived through the Decimation.” It made sense that families divided by the Snap would want to get together. Good thing Bucky wasn’t invited. Would his sister Becca call and invite Bucky? How would he know if he could contact her? 

“I’ll be fine alone,” Bucky said; it was good they now had two events to attend.

Sam blinked at Bucky, “What part of ‘you are all invited’ did you not get?”

Bucky stared back at him, “They don’t want me to come.” Anyone could see that.

“Why not?”

“You know what I’ve done,” Bucky said. Ex-assassin, anyone?

“It wasn’t you,” Steve said.

“They know,” Sam said.

Bucky’s mouth dropped open, “You told them?”

“I said you were traumatized by your past, I didn’t tell them everything,” Sam said. “They’re fine with it.”

Now Bucky wanted to change the subject. He looked at Natasha, hoping she’d say something about the mail she received. Natasha smiled, “Clint and Laura want us over.” She looked very pleased. 

“And that means you’re invited, too,” Sam told Bucky.

“How do you know?” Bucky asked, for Natasha had said no such thing.

Natasha stared at him, “Of course you’re invited.” Bucky still couldn’t figure out how he was automatically included.

“We should bring food when we visit,” Steve said, “It’ll be like the Depression all over again. We could bring a minced pie, or do you think she’s already making one? Maybe we should bring a fruit cake, but maybe she’s making one, too.”

Sam made a face, “Are you serious? Fruit cakes are horrible!”

“No, they aren’t,” Steve said, “My mother used to make the best, and she even iced it in marzipan,” he shrugged, “Before the sugar rationing, anyway.” Steve nodded at Bucky, “And your mother made the best plum pudding with hard sauce.”

“Hard sauce?” Natasha asked, “How hard is hard sauce?”

“Well it’s….” Steve said, “Like a spread.”

“Mm hm,” Sam said, “And do these plum puddings actually have plums in it?”

“Well, no,” Steve said. Sam shook his head.

As Bucky listened to them natter, he got more and more overwhelmed with the invitations and left for the safety of the bedroom assigned to him.

He sat in his one chair, staring at the bed, trying to decide if he wanted the mattress on the bed or on the floor; it made Steve happy that he kept it on the bed, but he really wanted it on the floor. After Wakanda, he’d learned to sleep on a bed and not on the floor, but sometimes he still felt the urge. Maybe he’d drag it onto the floor when he tried to sleep and then put it back on the bed in the daytime. He heard someone come upstairs and faced the open door.

“You don’t like Christmas,” Natasha said from the doorframe.

“I did,” Bucky said, standing up.

The red-haired woman frowned, “Why are you standing?” Because she was a woman and it was the polite thing to do, but he didn’t say so. Since he had only one chair, he motioned for her to sit on the floor and sat down beside her when she did. They put their backs against the wall

“Do you remember Christmas?” Natasha asked, talking sideways at him.

“I course I do,” he said, and he did, a little bit. Natasha waited. So what did he remember? “Snow, just like now, and cold.” He hated the cold.

“You remember Steve’s Christmas cookies?”

“Of course,” Bucky said, wishing she’d drop it.

“Laura researched Russian Christmas customs and came up with recipes for two different Christmas cookies, pryaniki and kozulya; you might like the latter because they can be shaped like goats.”

“Just who is Laura?” Bucky asked.

The red-haired woman paused and stared into the air, “Clint’s wife. Fury hired Clint to take me out - I’d made a name for myself after the Red Room - but Clint took me to his wife instead, and they were nice to me.”

Bucky waited for an explanation but didn’t get any, “What made Clint decide not to kill you? Your looks?”

Natasha glared at him, “And just what’s wrong with my looks?”

“Nothing at all,” Bucky said. Really, she was nice to look at and even stirred something in him; he’d say it was the Red Room but it seemed like something more.

Natasha looked into space again, “It was soon after the Red Room.” Bucky nodded; she’d probably been a teenager. “Clint was outraged that Fury had put a hit out on a 13-year-old, but Fury claimed he didn’t know. Clint took me to Laura and told Fury he’d better arrange for my schooling and a green card.”

“Do you remember your parents?” Bucky asked, before realizing he probably shouldn’t have asked.

“I know their names and where they’re buried,” Natasha said, back to staring into space. “I visited their graves once.” They fell into silence, each remembering phantoms from the past. 

“I don’t really remember much about Christmas at all,” Bucky admitted to the empty air. His memory was still spotty at best, and he hated that.

Natasha nodded, “I don’t remember much either, just borsch, solyanka, and matzo ball soup.”

Bucky blinked, “Matzo ball soup?” Natasha looked at him and nodded. “That’s Jewish.”

“I know,” Natasha said, before staring back into space, “They might have been Jewish, or they might have been Russian Orthodox, or neither. I don’t know.” Bucky suddenly realized he wasn’t the only one with holes in his history. Natasha shrugged, “I was young.”

More footsteps up the stairs, and Natasha left before Steve could come around the corner. “Want to see if we can scrounge up some greenery for the place?”

“Go on ahead,” Bucky said. Steve frowned, but Bucky didn’t like leaving the house when he didn’t have to. Yes society was in disarray, but he was still the Winter Soldier.

“I’ll go with you,” Sam called out, so they both went, still talking food.

Natasha did not come back.

Bucky considered contacting his sister Becca but couldn’t make himself do it. What if she didn’t want to see him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scarlett Johansson is Jewish but also celebrates Christmas, so I used that as a springboard.


	3. Lights

Bucky sat in Steve’s office doing paperwork. The office was now decorated with greenery, and Steve’s desk had a little tree that was decorated with red balls. Steve was building a startup company that helped veterans deal with the changes in society, and when Bucky found Steve’s office in disarray and Steve walking around very frustrated, the dark-haired man had taken over as part time office manager. He’d done much the same when Steve had suddenly become an army captain and hadn’t known the ropes. 

Bucky felt bad because he wasn’t working a job that earned money, but by being Steve’s office manager, he was at least saving Steve some money. After all, Bucky had taken over when Steve had been so frustrated he vowed he’d hire someone, but when Bucky took over, Steve didn’t hire anyone. Everyone else had a paying job of course; Sam had found a job as a paramedic and Natasha was rebuilding someone’s electronic security; she made more than all of them put together. 

But Bucky told himself at least he was helping Steve, and he liked working in the office because he felt safe here. It was Steve’s room and not his, so it was less of a target. It was a little room, but not so little as to feel claustrophobic, and he could see the exit. It was also an inner room, so no one could suddenly break through a window or wall from the outside. 

“No, why do we want candles?” came Sam’s voice from elsewhere in the house, breaking into his thoughts.

“Because it’s Christmas,” Steve’s voice answered. They were coming closer.

“They’re a fire hazard.”

“We don’t have to light them.”

“Then why did you buy them?”

“Because they look pretty,” Steve said. They’d already strung popcorn to decorate the tree in the living room and added red balls; now they seemed to be talking about lights.

They walked into Steve’s office, and Sam hooked a thumb in Steve’s general direction as he looked at Bucky, “Can you talk some sense into this guy?”

Bucky shrugged. He didn’t know why, but it made sense to him.

“My mother used to decorate her tree with unlit candles,” Steve told Sam.

From behind them, Natasha just shook her head, “You boys,” she held up some electric lights.

Sam lit up, “Now we’re talking.”


	4. The Cold Outside

Bucky stared in the general direction of the window in the living room, peering through the Christmas tree that was safely on the other side of the room. He hated how open the living room was, for a sniper could shoot through at any time. Sam was on the couch and looked up from his book to smile at him. Natasha was at work.

Steve came up to Bucky, “Have you even seen the view out the window?” Bucky shook his head. “Can you take a walk with me?” Out of the corner of his eye, Bucky could tell Sam was nodding for Bucky to say ‘yes.”

“Go ahead,” Bucky said.

“That’s what you always say, but you need to get out, too.” Steve frowned, “Maybe we should have stayed in Wakanda.”

Bucky wished they had too, but still… “I want to see Becca,” Bucky said.

“Have you called her?” Steve asked, and Bucky shook his head. Steve studied Bucky and decided not to push it. “Look, nothing will happen if you walk outside. Just around the block.” Bucky frowned. 

“What’s around the block?” Bucky asked.

“Why don’t you find out?” Steve asked, ‘Come on, you have to come out some time.” No, he didn’t, but Steve wanted him to, so against his better judgement, he did.

He took one step outside and icy claws grabbed him; he bolted back inside. “What’s wrong?” Steve asked, following him into the kitchen where Bucky started heating up some water, hugging himself furiously. Why did it take so long to warm up? “There’s nothing out there.” Steve was right - there was nothing but deadly cold in an arctic wasteland.

“It was freezing!” Bucky said. 

“You can handle it,” Steve said.

“How about you bundle up more?” Sam said, coming in from the living room.

Steve looked perplexed, “We don’t have to bundle up.” Steve frowned further, turning to Bucky, “You keep telling me I don’t have to worry about the cold anymore.” Bucky felt foolish; growing up, Steve was the one who had to bundle up because of the cold, but they were both super soldiers now, and here Bucky was afraid of a little cold and wishing the water would heat up already. 

“They aren’t going to put you under,” Sam said, and Bucky jerked, feeling the ice freeze his veins as a HYDRA technician watched him. The water heated and Bucky drank it down, feeling the warmth begin to thaw the cold in his body. “It might taste better with flavor,” Sam said. Bucky looked around to see both Steve and Sam were staring at him; Bucky was drinking the hot water plain. He set the cup down.

When he, Sam, and Steve had bundled up, Steve stood at the front door and looked at Bucky, “Are you ready?” Bucky nodded even though he wanted to shake his head, and Steve opened the door. A freezing wave of winter air roared in and settled its icy fingers around him, but Bucky gritted his teeth and kept from flinching - much. “Just around the block,” Steve said. They set out with Steve on one side and Sam on the other. Steve kept up a bright chatter, pointing out various things as they walked, but Bucky said nothing the entire time and remembered no details. He never wanted to do it again.


	5. The Candles

Bucky had assumed the walk around the block was a one-time ordeal, but of course Steve had other plans. Soon they were not only walking around the freezing block, Steve expected him to be a running buddy. 

During one of these runs, Bucky suddenly stopped. “Winded?” Steve laughed.

“No, look,” Bucky said, pointing at a small, packed store. “They have a menorah in the window.”

“So they do,” Steve said, expecting they’d start jogging again. 

“Can we buy one?”

Steve studied Bucky, “Sure.” Bucky talked quietly with the owner and bought one. It was only after they’d walked out of the small store that Steve asked, “Why do you want a menorah?”

“For Natasha,” Bucky said, stopping for a moment, “Maybe I should have had her pick one out.”

“I didn’t know she was Jewish.”

“I didn’t either, but I thought it was a good idea.”

“I see.”

When they came home, Natasha was complaining to Sam about some technical problem at work that made no sense to Bucky. “I got you something,” Bucky told her.

Natasha stopped her tirade in surprise, and Bucky handed her the wrapped package. She opened it up and stared at it. “You don’t like it,” Bucky said, watching her face, “I should have asked you if you wanted one.” He was an idiot.

“No,” Natasha said, “It’s beautiful.”

“I asked the owner if one looked Russian, but he didn’t know, so I went with the simplest one.” He had no idea how rich her parents had been, but he figured if she’d ended up in the Red Room, they didn’t have that much money.

Sam stared, “Wow, I’m sorry, and here we are yakking about Christmas all the time.”

“I didn’t mind,” Natasha said. 

Sam got out his cell phone and studied it, “Uh oh, we missed Hanukkah - no we didn’t, there are two days still left.”

“It’s all right, it’s not like I believe or anything,” Natasha said.

“To honor your parents,” Bucky said. It was important.

“Let’s light some candles,” Steve said.

“You’re supposed to do it at sundown,” Sam told him, looking at his phone.

“I see, that phone of yours made you an expert?” Steve asked.

“Why yes, it did,” Sam said, typing some more. “And potato latkes are not only Eastern European, they sound tasty.”

By the afternoon, they had found a Jewish deli that had some potato latkes left, with applesauce and sour cream, and they also got donuts.

Natasha read from her phone, “Okay, we light the candles thirty minutes before sundown.”

Sam looked at his phone, “Check.” Sam and Steve startled Bucky by covering their heads, and Steve handed Bucky a cap as well.

“We’re supposed to say blessings first,” Natasha said, but she looked at her phone and read them silently before pausing, lost in thought. The others stood around, and then she roused herself, ”The helper candle goes in the middle and is used to light all the others. It’s the shammash candle. The first night it and one other candle were lit, and then each night another one gets added. We have two nights left, so eight candles, and tomorrow we’ll light all of them. They go into the menorah from right to left, but are lit left to right.” She lit the candles and paused, thinking of her parents. Bucky felt she looked beautiful in the glow of the candles but squashed that thought down. “I guess that’s it.” She walked away and did not look back.

The others waited until she left, and Sam got out his phone and read out the blessings, first doing his best in mangled Hebrew, and then in English. 

“Did she like it?” Bucky asked.

“I think you did a wonderful thing,” Steve said.

Sam looked at his phone, “The candles should burn for thirty minutes. We’re supposed to be telling stories about Hanukkah.” They looked at each other. Sam looked at his phone, “Looks like the Maccabees overthrew the guy who ordered them to worship Greek gods in the Jewish temple, but when they rededicated the temple, they only found oil enough to light a menorah for one night; it miraculously lasted eight. That’s Hanukkah.”

They stood around some more. “How did you know she wanted this? Clint never mentioned this and he knows her better than anybody,” Steve asked Bucky.

“She told me remembers matzo ball soup.”

“Interesting,” Steve said.


	6. Music and Socks

They bought a second menorah for the living room to go beside the Christmas tree so they celebrated both; Natasha kept the first one for herself. 

Bucky sat in his chair in his bedroom, which was now decorated with greenery and popcorn balls. Steve had suggested red paper decorations like when they were kids, but Bucky had refused, feeling it was childish. 

“I have some music,” Steve said at his doorway. “Bing Crosby and Benny Goodman.”

“I thought we agreed we wouldn’t live in the past.”

Steve spread his hands, “Are you saying you don’t want to hear Bing Crosby?

“Shut up and play it,” Bucky said.

When the songs had ended, Bucky said, “Since it’s Christmas, we’ll need gifts.”

“I think this year the biggest gift is having everyone together. It was rough watching people disappear and then having to go on living with everyone missing. Half of Sam’s family disappeared in the Decimation and all of Clint’s.”

“We still need something, especially for the parties.”

“We’re bringing food.”

Bucky looked at Steve, “Do you want anything?”

Steve thought a moment before staring at the wall, “You know you disappeared too.” Silence fell in the room.

That hadn’t occurred to Bucky, and he wondered how Steve had taken it. “Well, I still think we need gifts.” He thought some more; unfortunately, he didn’t have a paying job. It would have to be small gifts. “How about stockings?” Maybe he could give Steve an orange and some nuts.

Steve nodded, “We could do stockings.”

So everyone went to a store and looked at stockings, or rather, extra large socks. Amazingly enough, there were even a few decorated ones even though it was so soon after the Decimation. “I like these,” Sam said, picking up green socks with one row of white airplanes and putting them in the shopping basket.

“You don’t have to get any,” Steve told Natasha, trying to be sensitive.

“And miss those oranges and nuts?” Natasha teased.

“I’m putting chocolates in mine,” Sam sniffed.

“See?” Natasha said, as if that made it all worthwhile.

“There’s some dreidel socks on clearance,” Steve pointed out the blue and white socks, so she got them.

Bucky was looking the other way and pointed, “Captain America socks!” There was a whole display of them with a large picture of Steve’s face.

“Oh please,” Steve said, turning slightly red.

“You’re getting them,” Bucky said, picking up the red, white, and blue socks with a row of shields and putting them in the shopping basket.

“No I’m not,” Steve said, taking them out. Bucky picked them up again and refused to put them down. “Bucky….” Steve pleaded. Bucky shook his head and held onto them while Sam laughed behind them. “Stop that,” Steve told Sam, causing him to laugh louder. “You know we agreed you’d take the shield sometimes when I needed a break,” Steve told Sam, “I’m getting some for you.” Steve threw another pair in the basket and Sam stopped laughing. Now Natasha was laughing.


	7. Party and Fruitcake

Steve was on the phone and Natasha was listening in when Bucky came into the kitchen. Steve was telling someone on the phone, “I understand your reasons for not wanting him at your party, I do, but I can’t go where he isn’t invited. It wasn’t him.” Bucky started backing out quietly. “Look, what if we met for a lunch, just the two of us and Natasha… Sure, I’d love to see Pepper and Morgan… yes, and everyone else too….” Bucky stayed where he could hear but not be seen, “No, don’t use him as an excuse, he could handle the crowds, he’s fine.” 

“What if he comes but stays away from the Starks, it’s a big party,” Natasha suggested.

“That’s awkward,” Steve said, “He’ll never go for it.” Bucky wasn’t sure if Steve meant himself or Stark. Steve went back to talking to Stark, “If anyone else wants to go to your party, fine, but I just can’t. I’m sorry.” Natasha shook her head, for she wasn’t going either. Steve hung up. 

Feelings he couldn’t identify built up in Bucky until he marched into the kitchen, “This is going to happen every time with all your friends.” Would they leave him eventually? Could he go back to Wakanda, or had he overstayed his welcome there, too? He could go on the run again and…

“I’m sorry you heard that,” Steve said.

“Tony knows you aren’t responsible, but it’s hard for him to deal with it,” Natasha said. Bucky understood; he was a monster. Bucky left for the safety of his room.

“Bucky!” Steve called out.

“Don’t,” Natasha said.

Bucky curled up in a corner of his room, and condemnations played in his mind for he knew not how long.

After Stark’s party had come and gone, Clint stopped by and brought a huge package from the party that Pepper Potts-Stark had given him. After Natasha took Clint aside, Clint came over to Bucky, “You missed Stark’s party, but you’re not letting this keep you from coming to mine, right?”

Bucky shook his head, “Steve should go to yours,” he sighed, “Steve is bull-headed.” He looked at Clint again, “Is there a nearby barn I can stay in?” Maybe that would mollify Steve and Steve would finally go to a party.

“Yes there is and no you’re not staying there, you’ll be in the house with us. Laura wants to meet you.”

“Why?”

“Ok, we don’t know each other well, but I don’t invite just anyone to my family’s home; it’s off the radar for a reason. I know what it’s like to be ripped apart and remade into something you don’t like to think about.” Bucky looked at him, “I have red in my ledger too, we all do, even Tony. I want you at my party; be there.”

Bucky still didn’t eat the food the archer had brought.

It was decided they would visit the Bartons in upstate New York on Christmas Eve, overnight it, and then visit the Wilsons in Harlem on Christmas Day. There was still no word from Bucky’s sister, and Bucky was sure she didn’t want to see him. Becca had seemed happy to talk to him via a sort of picture phone while he was in Wakanda, but maybe he’d offended her somehow. Or maybe she had died and no one wanted to tell him. That thought chilled him to the bone.

But life kept going. Laura Barton had not planned on making a fruit cake, so Steve found a traditional Irish Christmas cake recipe. Steve got out the ingredients as they stood in the kitchen. “Is anyone going to help me? The best dish I make is a peanut butter sandwich.”

“Is that going to be a fruit cake? Sam asked, crossing his arms.

“I’ll help,” Bucky said.

“It’s going to be a good one,” Steve told Sam, who wasn’t convinced.

“Are you going to burn down the kitchen?” Natasha asked.

“Not if you help us,” Steve said. Natasha shook her head but started helping.

“Ok, here’s the raisins, golden raisins, currants, and candied cherries,” Steve said. Bucky handed him the apples. Steve thought some more, “I think my mother added dates.” Steve got out the dates.

Natasha read the recipe, “Did you soak the fruit in booze last night?”

Steve looked back at her, “What?”

“It says here most bake the cake weeks in advance and then regularly add whiskey.”

Steve frowned.

So they soaked the fruit that night and made the cake the next day instead, and even Sam helped when he learned they’d had to soak it.


	8. Christmas Eve

When Christmas Eve came, they drove to the Barton farm. Bucky was happy that his friends would have someone to spend Christmas with, but he dreaded meeting strangers, and he wished he were meeting his sister instead. Besides, it was also a cold, cloudy day, which made him nervous.

Natasha was smiling more the closer they got, while Bucky was noticing how long they were driving in the cold. By the end, Steve was getting excited, too. As the road was poorly maintained, Sam was just glad the drive was ending. “Let’s not drive ever again,” Sam said near the end, before thinking a moment, “Except for tomorrow when we visit my brother and sister.”

“I just hope they have heat in their house,” Bucky grumbled.

They finally turned off the road and onto what was hopefully a personal driveway. A long personal driveway. A very long driveway. It was a driveway, right?

Yes, it was. No one was outside the house because of the cold, but the lights were on inside the house, the fences were decorated in red and green, and there was a big welcome sign in red and green done in Old English font. Even a cardboard Santa greeted them on the porch.

They put on their coats while still inside the car and braved the cold wind. 

Natasha barely knocked before the front door opened. “Nat!” Clint said, giving her a hug. “Come on in.”

They got inside. It was warm, it smelled of baking cookies, and there were hordes of strange, excited children running around. No, only three. Clint stood beside a smiling dark-haired woman who was busy hugging Natasha.

“I still can’t tell you how glad I am to see you,” Natasha said. They talked quietly and urgently with each other and then hugged each other a second time before trying to act as if everything were normal and that the woman, Laura, hadn’t disappeared for a few years. Besides, the children were jumping up and down to get their hugs from Natasha, who hugged them with a fierceness that surprised Bucky until he remembered they’d disappeared too.

“Hello ma’am,” Steve said when Laura turned to the group. Since Laura had finished hugging Natasha, Clint wrapped his arm around his wife’s waist and gave it a squeeze, which she reciprocated, as if they were afraid they’d lose each other again.

Laura laughed, “You don’t have to be formal all over again.” She smiled at Sam, “You must be Sam.” Sam smiled back at her, and Laura looked at Bucky, “And you must be Bucky, I’m so glad you’ve come.” She didn’t look scared to have an ex-assassin in her house. Another woman and man came from another room, and Laura said, “This is my sister, Linda, and her husband, Rod. Those two over there are my children, Cooper, and Lila, and that one is theirs, David.”

A woman Bucky knew was Wanda came in, holding a baby in her arms, “And this is Nate.” Bucky was reasonably sure the baby wasn’t Wanda’s, and he was even more sure when Wanda gave the baby back to Laura. 

“He’s getting big,” Natasha said from where she was with the other two children. 

Bucky backed up and inched toward another room. Once away from people, he noticed the house was decorated in a soothing way; there were doilies, chintz curtains, chenille bedspreads, and lots of wood. He relaxed slightly before hearing laughter. He didn’t want to be missed, so he took a deep breath and went back into the fray. 

He followed the voices and realized they were being given a tour. “You have a walk-in pantry!” Sam was saying. Bucky kept in the back.

Clint and Laura nodded, and Clint added, “She makes her own jam and jelly, and that was even before it all.” He meant the disruption from the people coming back from the Decimation. Bucky couldn’t take more and went off to do his own perimeter check.

He came back when they were sitting in the living room in front of an inviting fire and drinking something warm, although Clint and Laura were also holding hands. There were eight adults in the room, and Bucky only knew three. The children flitted in and out. “And you should have seen the look on Nat’s face when she came up here after it all and saw Laura and…”

“Yeah, tough guy, you were the one crying,” Laura said, and everyone laughed. Somehow, Bucky got the feeling they were talking about after people had come back from the Decimation. 

Then Laura saw Bucky hovering at the doorframe and smiled, “Come on in.” She got up and he backed up, “Let me get you something warm to drink. Would you like apple cider or hot chocolate?” Laura’s sister followed her out.

Bucky found that words had disappeared. “The apple cider is mighty fine,” Steve said, coming up to lead him to the only empty chair left. Laura got him some apple cider and also brought out a large plate of cookies. 

“I’ve got honey bread spice cookies, some jam-filled and some with candied citrus peel on top.”

Natasha smiled, “pryaniki.”

“There are also sugar cookies,” Laura said, smiling at Steve and Bucky.

Linda came in with another large plate of cookies, and the children followed after her. “And these are kozulya; the children enjoyed shaping them into goats.” They looked at Bucky, who looked down, embarrassed, but he missed his goats in Wakanda. “And gingerbread puffs.” Now it was Linda’s turn to smile at Steve. Then she looked at Sam, “And we made some benne cookies. I know they’re often for Kwanzaa but I thought it was close enough.”

Sam smiled, “That’s good.”

The eldest child, Cooper, watched the adults take the cookies. “Hey, you tell us we can’t eat cookies before dinner!”

The adults laughed, “We’re so busted,” Clint said. “You know what?” he looked at the children he’d thought he’d lost, “You can have all the cookies you want.”

“No!” Laura said as the children cheered. “Not so fast. We’ll eat the cookies later. They’d be good with tea, anyway, right Nat?” Laura asked. Natasha smiled, happy to see Russian custom observed. 

Their hosts had taken time to make a cookie for everyone, but no Jewish cookies, which made Bucky realize Natasha had never told them what she suspected about her parents.

They talked a few moments as they finished their drinks, and then they walked to the dining room. The Irish Christmas cake was already on a side board, along with the minced pie. 

Laura, Clint, and Laura’s sister brought out the roast turkey, glazed ham, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, roasted vegetables, and cranberry jelly. It was something Bucky’s mother could have made. Natasha made sure they had enough place settings. The adults sat at the permanent table while the children sat next to them at a folding table. Bucky suddenly wondered which he should sit at, but Steve tapped at the permanent table and Bucky saw that the seat by Steve hadn’t been taken. He sat down at it, waiting for rebuke, but none came.

While Bucky ate silently, the other adults said how wonderful the food was. Bucky was amazed at the variety and ate a little of each; the different foods burst with flavor in his mouth. 

After Laura’s family left for the night after an extended goodbye, the adults went into the living room again and watched the dying fire. The conversation turned more reflective, but it made Bucky nervous. 

Then they divided up into rooms so they could go to sleep. Natasha and Wanda shared the guest room, and Bucky and Steve shared Laura’s workroom. Her projects had been pushed to one wall and “hidden” by a sheet that Bucky peaked behind only to make sure no assassins lurked there. Steve looked about to protest, but Bucky said, “We’re safe.” Steve only nodded. “I’m glad they let you go to this party even though I’m here,” Bucky said.

“Did you hear Clint talk about being brainwashed by Loki and killing those SHIELD agents?” Steve asked. Bucky just looked at him. So that had been the conversation.

The next morning they had sausage, egg, and cheddar, corned beef hash and eggs, and french toast with homemade jam. Before they left, Bucky found Natasha tidying up the guest room, “This was my room, you know,” Natasha said, “When I stayed here.” She looked at Bucky, “They helped me become human.”

Bucky nodded. The people in Wakanda had helped him become human, but he knew he was still a work in progress. “Any pointers?”

Natasha smiled at him, “I think you’re doing pretty good.”

As they got ready to leave, Laura said, “Thank you all for coming, I hope you come back soon.” Her gaze ended on Natasha, who nodded. “And so you don’t starve on the road,” Laura said, bringing out little bags, “Here are some cookies for each of you.”

“That is very thoughtful of you,” Steve said, “Thank you.”

Laura smiled, “I hope you enjoy them.” She even smiled at Bucky, and he nodded at her. “Merry Christmas.”

One down, one to go.


	9. Christmas In Harlem

They were off to Harlem, and Bucky’s spirits plummeted as Sam’s lifted. Clint and Laura had accepted him because Clint was an Avenger who knew what it was like to be brainwashed, but the family they were driving to now were neither. Besides, Sam’s brother was a pastor and Bucky had been a murderer. And finally, Bucky was peopled out already.

The city was more packed than the spacious empty land around the Barton farm, but it was just as cold. After a few hours, they stopped in front of a pleasant house, which made Bucky feel ill.

Someone had peeked out when they came up, and a woman who looked a lot like Sam ran out and hugged Sam fiercely. Then she pulled back, and Sam told everyone, “This is my sister, Sarah.” Bucky realized they’d been separated by the Decimation.

“You’re all welcome,” Sarah said. “Come on inside.”

“Hey!” a powerfully built man said, greeting Sam, “You made it!” A woman stood beside him, holding onto him.

“Yeah, a lot of snow on the road,” Sam said. “This is my brother, Gideon, and his wife, Bethany. These are my sister Sarah’s children, Jody and Aisha.” They were teenagers. Bucky’s head was reeling, and he was afraid the brother, Gideon, and his wife Bethany would have children, too, but Sam didn’t mention any.

“Dwayne hasn’t called yet, has he?” Sam asked Gideon, and the other man shook his head. “Good, we haven’t missed him,” Sam turned to the others, “Dwayne is my cousin, lives in New Orleans.” Not more people!

“So,” Gideon said, “Welcome to my house.” His eyes included Bucky and he directed them to the living room, which had a table set up beside the Christmas tree. 

“What’s the table for?” Steve asked.

“It’s going to be the Kwanzaa table, since it starts tomorrow. Kwanzaa celebrates African heritage and family.” He looked at Bucky, “It speaks to what is means to be human and to be African. Sam tells me you spent even more time in Wakanda than he did.” Everyone looked at Bucky, who only nodded. “And you lived in a Wakandan village?”

Bucky nodded, “Namayeza.” Just saying the name made him homesick.

“We’d love to hear about it,” Sam’s sister, Sarah said.

Bucky found his throat had closed down, so they told them about Kwanzaa instead, “It runs for seven days, and we light a candle on a kinara on this table each night similar to Hanukkah, except our candles are red and green, and the middle candle is black. The candles represent the seven principles: Umoja or unity, Kujichagulia or self-determination, Ujima or collective work and responsibility, Ujamaa or cooperative economics, Nia or purpose, Kuumba or creativity, and Imani or faith.”

Sam nodded, “This house will be decorated with kente cloth and all sorts of things. It’ll remind me of Wakanda pretty soon.”

Bucky was unexpectedly pleased; it was like they were trying to find conversation that everyone had in common. 

They sat down in the living room and got talking while drinking punch, cinnamon-flavored hot chocolate, or hot taffy milk, which was milk and molasses.

“What was it like to live in Wakanda?” Sarah asked Bucky.

Bucky found his voice. “It was a safe place, and the people accepted me. The cities were gorgeous but felt a little overwhelming because of all the crowds and the technology, but the village,” he stopped and smiled, thinking of the children and his goats. “And the food.”

Bethany and Sarah lit up at that, “Do tell!”

Bucky ended up speaking way more than he ever expected to and was amazed at how excited they were to hear about what he had seen in Wakanda.

But as time went on, Bucky thought something seemed off with the children. Jody was referred to as the elder, but Aisha looked older. Bucky wondered if one had disappeared in the Decimation and one had not. They seemed quiet, as if they were still grappling with the changes dealt them.

Then, while Bucky was taking a break from being around people by doing a perimeter check, he came back to pastor Gideon asking, “So, Steve, I hear you attend mass, how have you found the changes?” Bucky froze, wondering if he should start walking around around again, and he hung back in the hallway.

Steve nodded, “They don’t do Latin masses anymore, not a lot, anyway. It was a hard change, but I like it in English too. It seems to have a lost a little something, but it’s also easier to understand.” Steve smiled, “And I was surprised to see woman don’t wear hats and gloves anymore, either.”

Bethany and Sarah laughed, “We do, we like our hats in church.”

“It sounds like you’re doing a good job adjusting. Did you ever go back to your home church?” Gideon asked.

Steve shook his head, trying to smile through the pain, “Can’t. It’s been turned into a parking lot.”

“I can’t imagine how painful that would be, I’m sorry,” Gideon said. “As a pastor I know how lonely it feels to move to another city, but moving from another time… If you wanted, you could come over to my church and bring Sam and then we could have lunch afterward,” Gideon said, “Or just have the lunch.” A lonely undertone suggested Sam’s brother had survived the Decimation when Sam hadn’t. Sam nodded.

“I’d like that,” Steve said.

Gideon smiled, “Good! Anything I can do to help out.”

“Let’s think about happier things,” Gideon’s wife, Bethany, said, “How about dinner?” She noticed Bucky wasn’t there and looked around until she saw Bucky lurking in the hallway, “I may not know how to make Wakandan food, but I don’t think that what I cook is too shabby, either.” Sam’s sister Sarah nodded, too.

“Oh yes,” Sam said, agreeing with their assessment of their cooking skills.

Food was chicken, sausage, and shrimp as a soupy sauce over rice, “This is gumbo,” Sam said, seeing Bucky eye it. There were also mashed potatoes, corn pudding, browned-butter green beans with pecans, and candied yams. Sam leaned over, “Save room for the pie.” 

The pie was Chocolate-Pecan Chess Pie. It was almost too rich for Bucky, but while he didn’t think he liked it, he kept on eating it just fine.

After dinner, Sam’s brother Gideon said, “If you’d like to come over for Kwanzaa one night, we’d love to have you.”

Sam hit his head with his hand, “Why didn’t I think of it earlier! I wonder if T’Challa or Shuri would like to come.”

“Invite them to the feast on the last day,” Gideon suggested.

Bethany made warning eyes at her husband, “Are you inviting a king to our house?”

Gideon paused, knowing a wrong word would bring instant death and marital discord. 

“There’s no way they could come on such short notice,” Sam sighed, “But maybe next year.”

“At someone else’s house,” Bethany said.

“We could rent out a place,” Gideon said. He looked at his brother hopefully, “Will you invite them?”

“Yeah,” Sam said, nodding. 

Gideon, Bethany, and Sarah walked them out to the car after dinner, “Thank you for coming,” Sarah said. 

Gideon nodded and looked straight at Bucky, “Yes, thank you for coming.”

Bethany squeezed her husband’s hand, “And remember to come back for Kwanzaa.”

On the drive back to Brooklyn, Bucky sat silently, amazed. Two households had welcomed him into their homes, and no one had condemned him. Could he really hope to build relationships in this present century with people outside Wakanda?

“I thought you once told me Gideon and Bethany had children,” Steve said quietly, interrupting his thoughts. 

“They did,” Sam said, not looking at Steve. “Jim died a year before the Decimation.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, thanks for coming, everyone, they really appreciated it.”

“I’d be interested in going to Kwanzaa,” Steve said. 

Sam nodded. He sat brooding for a moment before turning to Bucky, “You’re silent. Are you OK?”

“I’m just surprised two families invited me into their house.”

“Too bad about your sister,” Steve said. Yes, everyone was inviting him into their homes except for his own blood relation.

“Yeah,” Sam said, “Why haven’t you called her yet?”

“She doesn’t want us to contact her anymore,” Bucky said, a deep pang in his heart.

“She told you that?” Sam asked, confused.

“No, but she hasn’t called me.”

“But why don’t you contact her?” Sam asked.

“I don’t want to bother her,” Bucky said.

Sam stared at him, “Dude, you came to the States to see her.”

“We were coming back to Brooklyn anyway,” Steve said.

“You mean you haven’t called her yet?” Natasha asked.

“Well….” Bucky said.

Sam rolled his eyes, “What’s her number?”

“No, don’t,” Bucky said. He didn’t want his last memory of his sister to be her slamming a door in his face.

Sam waited until they got home, when he held out his hand, “Steve, give me your phone so I can get her number.” Bucky blended into the background to listen.

“She hasn’t called, and Bucky’s barely hanging on as it is. I didn’t want to push him.”

“It’s Christmas, she’s dying to see you,” Sam said. Steve reluctantly opened his phone for Sam.

“We’ll find out what the problem is now when Bucky isn’t around,” Sam said, not knowing Bucky was listening in.

Sam called, “Hello? This is Sam Wilson, I’d like to talk to Becca Barnes Proctor or her granddaughter, uh, Kimberly Richards….. Uh huh…… Oh really? No, he isn’t……. Yes, it’s true…… Uh huh……. OK then.” Sam hung up and nodded calmly. “Done.” He started walking away.

“W-Wait! What?” Steve said, following after him anxiously.

“Oh, did you want to see her? I can’t tell because you never even bothered to try to call her.”

“Sam! What did she say?”

“She desperately wants to see you guys.”

“What a relief! But she didn’t contact us!”

“You didn’t either. She thought Captain America would have too many Christmas engagements.”

“I don’t, I’ll call her back, we need to meet as soon as possible.”

“We don’t have to, we’re driving over there tomorrow. Good night.”

Bucky was a nervous wreck all night and paced endlessly. He would see his sister tomorrow!


	10. Paramus, New Jersey

No one made any jokes about going to Paramus, New Jersey, a city Steve had once picked for trying to game his way into the army. Bucky’s heart was racing and his mind was a blur.

“Remember to breathe,” Natasha told Bucky, startling him. 

“Did you eat breakfast?” Steve said, studying Bucky suspiciously, startling him again. 

“No, he didn’t,” Natasha said. 

Bucky brushed his hair behind his ears and looked in a hand-held mirror. “You look fine,” Steve told him.

The ride was absolutely endless. He thought each turn of the corner was the last and it never was. Each time they slowed, he wondered if they were almost there, and they weren’t. 

Sam kept nattering on about something, and eventually Bucky realized he was filling in everyone on who they might meet.

Finally, his mind went completely blank from exhaustion. “Bucky, we’re here,” Steve said. Bucky looked up to find they had stopped in front of a home: his sister’s home. His sister was in that house. His sister.

“Now remember, she disappeared too, but it still means she’s 94,” Sam told Bucky, who didn’t know what he was talking about. “That’s a little on the old side; she isn’t the young lady you knew.”

The house had a railing up the two steps for people with mobility challenges.

A middle-aged woman greeted them at the door: Kimberly, based on the picture phone talks. She stared at Bucky, who stared at her. She put her hand to her mouth, “Oh my goodness! You’re really here.” 

Steve nudged Bucky in, and he almost tripped on the stairs.

“Grandma! Guess who’s here,” Kimberly said. Two girls peaked from a room; they had to be Bucky’s great grandnieces, Madison and Makayla.

Kimberly ushered Bucky into the living room. Becca waited for him, tears already streaming down her cheeks. “Breathe,” Natasha told Bucky.

Bucky stood over the wizened version of his younger sister, unable to think clearly or even see clearly. But his sister was crying, and that made him hurt. He carefully wiped the tears off her cheeks, and she caught his hand in both shaking hands. Dimly he realized it was his metal one, but Becca didn’t seem to notice. “Bucky,” she breathed. 

Bucky felt gentle hands urging him down to a chair he felt but never saw. “You’re here,” his sister said, patting his cheek to see if he were real. A watery smile grew over her face. “You’re real.” Bucky swallowed and tried to speak but couldn’t. “It’s okay,” she said, tears falling again. They leaned forward from their chairs and hugged, hands rubbing up and down their backs. He couldn’t believe he was holding his sister. “You’re never leaving, you hear me?” 

“Let him have some air, grandma,” Kimberly said with a froggy voice.

They pulled back, but held onto each other. “Are you eating all right? You still look thin.”

“He didn’t eat breakfast,” Natasha said.

“Who are you?” Becca asked, “Wait, you’re Natasha, right?” Becca had seen them all through the picture phone thing but meeting in person was different. “And Steve, oh my goodness. Look at you now!” Steve stood there beaming, but now he leaned down to awkwardly hug Becca even though she hadn’t let go of Bucky yet, so he was sort of hugging them both.

Bucky didn’t pay attention to the next few minutes, savoring only the fact that his sister was right beside him. Gradually, though, he could focus on a few details; her short, white hair was perfectly curled, and she wore a button-up blouse and matching skirt with a pearl necklace. It took him a few moments to realize a walker or rollator had been pushed to the side.

Bucky had a feeling some time had passed, but finally thoughts followed one another quite nicely. Becca was telling about her day. They had Christmas leftovers and the children had liked their presents. At least that’s what he thought she said. He smiled, loving the sound of her voice.

Bucky realized everyone else had drinks in their hands, and that Kimberly had set a tissue box beside them; Becca had used about half already.

“Is that okay, Buck?” Steve asked. Bucky looked up and realized he needed to respond to something.

Becca repeated herself, “When your friend Sam called yesterday I started trying to reach everyone I could think of. Both my son in Florida and Bessy Barnes in Shelbyville want to call sometime today. She’s from uncle Frank’s line. A great great granddaughter, I think, who remembers these days? I haven’t been able to get ahold of my grandson, Kimberly’s brother, yet. I have a bad feeling they’re on vacation somewhere.”

“Disneyland, grandma,” Kimberly said.

“Oh yes,” Becca said. “Wait,” she pointed to Bucky but talked to her granddaughter, “Kimberly, can you call him grandpa? He’ll hate that.”

Kimberly’s smile at Bucky was wobbly, “Hi there, grandpa.”

Bucky did hate it, “I’m not you’re grandpa, I’m your….” he sighed.

“The mighty great uncle,” Sam intoned.

“Shut up,” Bucky said. But somehow “great uncle” sounded less old than “grandpa.”

“We’ve got descendants all over,” Becca was telling her brother, “Evie’s descendants are in Boston, and Georgie’s descendants are in London, Ontario, but we should be able to get together sometime.” Evie and Georgie had been his sisters. “We should call Rikki in Philadelphia. She’s also uncle Frank’s great great whoever. But you’re timing is great, we recently found a descendant of Aunt Ida, a nice young man named Lee Kirby; he’s in Shelbyville, too.” Bucky’s head would have been reeling if he were trying to hold onto things, but he simply listened to her voice.

“Oh!” Becca said, “And I’ve saved things for you.” Bucky tried to focus. She dropped her voice, “When the government came around I didn’t tell them about it, but they didn’t ask for it specifically and it wouldn’t have helped them anyway.”

Bucky blanched, “They came by here?”

Becca nodded, squeezing his hand, “They had questions, but I didn’t know anything and told them they were crazy to think you’d done anything bad.”

“Becca, I….” He’d always known she would condemn him and kick him out. Here was the condemnation he’d dreaded.

“I didn’t listen to what the press said, either. They should be ashamed of themselves.”

Bucky couldn’t look her in the face. 

“I think you need to see what I kept,” Becca said, holding Bucky’s hand, “Help me to my room.” He got her rollator and slowly walked with her to her room, his heart in a whirl.

Would she condemn him here? He pictured her cluttered room from Before and feared memory overload; there’d be framed pictures of family and friends, cloche hats with rolled brims, berets, fedoras, pillbox hats, tap dance shoes, records, a radio, cutout pictures of movies, and books all over the place. They went into the room, and he found an organized room with little besides a chenille bedspread, wooden bed-frame, dresser, and a tiny table with crossword puzzles in big print. Kimberly went to Becca’s closet and got out a scrapbook. Becca laboriously got onto her bed and then patted the space beside her. Bucky sat down beside his sister. “You were in a Smithsonian exhibit and I made a scrapbook from it.” She’d also carefully cut out articles that had mentioned him when describing the exhibit. There were articles about a documentary about Bucky and the other men who’d fought with Captain America. “You’re a hero in these,” she said. She was trying to tell him he was a good man, and he had to look away.

He realized the others had followed him into the room and were watching from the door. “You must be bored silly.” It wasn’t like they could see what his sister was showing him.

But Steve alternated between beaming and tearing up. “You’re fine.”

“Is anyone hungry?” Becca asked. She looked at her brother, “Let’s look at this later, you need food.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Bucky smiled. She held out her hand for Bucky to help her up. Bucky had the feeling she’d snipe at anyone who implied she couldn’t get up herself, but he liked holding her hand and hoped she felt the same.

She used her rollator to get to the dining room. The chair closest to the door had a cushion on it and it was evidently her spot. Bucky sat right beside her, but that meant his back was to the door. He tried not to let it bother him.

“What’s wrong?” Becca asked, seeing him tense up.

Natasha said something to Kimberly, who said, “Hey, grandma, can we move your chair around? It will help fit the chairs better … because of the guests.” Becca looked confused, and Bucky’s heart hurt to see her confused, but people moved the chairs around until Becca’s chair and Bucky’s faced the door, and Bucky relaxed.

Kimberly and her children brought out the food: roast turkey with chestnut stuffing, mashed potatoes, scalloped tomatoes and spinach, piccallili relish, stuffed olives, roasted walnuts, jellied raspberry grapefruit, and plum pudding with hard sauce. He remembered them all.

Bucky stared at the piccallili that Becca handed him, “I remember this.” He picked up the jellied dish, “And this.” He saw the plum pudding with hard sauce, “And that.”

Becca smiled at him, “Of course you do.”

“We still have some of the sugar cream pie, too,” Kimberly said. When he thought of sugar cream pie, he thought of Shelbyville, IN, where he was born. “Madison and Makayla helped grandma make it. And grandma made peanut butter cookies.” Bucky was close to losing it, Becca had made some for him and sent them to him in Wakanda before they first talked on the sort-of picture phone.

“Are you going to be okay?” Becca asked her brother.

He nodded. He’d started this season in a bare room, living out of the generosity of Steve and his friends, but now he belonged. He looked at his living sister, “Yes, I will.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to CourageousPineapple and WanderingHobbit2941 for beta reading! You made it better.


End file.
